Are You Empathy-ed Out?

As leaders, we naturally want to lead with empathy. We care about our teams. We want to understand what they are going through, both personally and professionally. And because we are leaders and problem solvers, we often feel compelled to remove obstacles and fix problems for them.

But there comes a point where the empathy tank is empty.

Everyone has their own struggles. That is part of life. But why does it always feel like it is on us to carry them? Why are we expected to solve them? When does accountability step in? And at what point can we say, pull up your pants and take some responsibility for your situation?

That is when the question creeps in. Have we gone too far?

When empathy becomes the default response to everything, are we unintentionally creating weaker personalities? Are we removing the space for resilience to develop?

If I am always empathetic. Always understanding. Always fixing things. Have I trained my team to believe, “It’s fine, Rhys will sort it out” or “He’ll understand, so I do not really need to push through this”?

At what point can a leader say, “I hear you. I empathize with you. And now it is time to get yourself together and work through it.”

Can leaders still say that out loud? Or have we lost that voice?

I talk to many leaders in our industry, and the story is the same. “I do everything for my team. Everything.” But the moment they ask for a little grit, a little resilience, or a little ownership, they are met with whining, unreasonable demands, or constant accommodation requests. And privately, they are thinking, how old are you? fifteen?

What they really want to say is this. Life is hard sometimes. Pull up your pants. Let’s go. We have work to do.

But they stop themselves. How will I be perceived? Will they hate me? What does social media say about leadership these days?

There is so much noise around positive leadership, gentle leadership, and soft leadership. And do not get me wrong, kindness matters. But sometimes people need the truth. And the truth is not always comfortable. That does not make it cruel.

As a leader, it is okay to tell your team to grind it out sometimes.

You do not need to meet every request. You do not need to approve every accommodation.

Your job is to listen. Ask questions. Understand the situation. Then step back and make an objective decision. Let them know you heard them and that you considered the information. Then tell them the decision.

They may raise valid points, including things you had not considered before. They may genuinely have the best interests of the practice at heart and just need some direction or refinement. But if, after considering everything, the answer is still no, that is okay too.

They may not like it. But they should know they were heard.

Will you lose team members because of this? Maybe. Especially if they feel entitled or believe the grass is greener somewhere else. That often means they were not a fit for your culture. And many times, a few months later, you realize they were part of the problem. The team gets stronger without them.

Positions are replaceable. People’s personalities are not.

Listen to your team. But meeting every demand does not build strength, it builds fragility. Not every problem is a crisis. Perspective matters.

Your opinion matters too. Your needs matter too. You are part of the team as well.

There are times I am empathy-ed out. When that happens, I remind myself to pause and ask one simple question. What is the real problem here?

Often, beneath the noise, it is a perception issue. And the best leadership move is not more empathy. It is honesty. Clear expectations. And sometimes a hard truth delivered with respect.

That is still good leadership.